One thing I have realized about myself in the last few days is that I crave structure. Along with that structure, I crave achievement, and with that achievement, the stress and hard work. I have a hard time not doing anything to pursue those achievements.
“Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we will find
Don’t leave me alone at this time
For I am afraid of what I will discover inside”
At my core, I do believe hard work is good. I think it gives us the power to create, to change, to transform – hopefully in all the best ways. I think in many ways that we as humans were made for work. However, I think rest, stillness, and pause, are all important too. I think true self-love is found in this rest state – this love with what you are without the stuff – the job, the skills, the achievements.
I am struggling with stopping – stopping worrying, stopping planning, stopping trying to figure things out – and just being. The stopping of all this other stuff allows the starting of discovery, joy in the moment, and the appreciation of life at its core – a single breath, a single snippet of God’s creation.
This trip has given me much more time to pause than my “normal” life. And I have to admit that I am fighting it – I want a lesson plan for what to do, who to be, and how to achieve it all. For my whole life, I have had a path laid out in front of me – or I have created one – and for the first time, I have no path in front of me.
I have started looking up many different things I could pursue with my time in Barcelona. There are so many opportunities to pick up new skills or get better at skills I already have.
It begs the question, though, of who I am without all these things – who do I want to be that can’t be expressed on a resume or Facebook About page? And what would I develop in myself if I pursued those things?
This quote has been floating around my mind all day:
Here’s to rolling away my stone and finding a new life apart from “things” and “achievements”. Which maybe is only something I can find in a place totally separated from my expectations for myself.
Oh, I’m sorry, were you expecting some fantastical Barcelona travel story here? My bad. I promise I’ll also have some of those for you along the way 🙂
Grant and me in the park today embracing a snippet of God’s wonderful creation – the beautiful Barcelona weather:
Kelly
I’ll repay your excellent quotes with one of my own. Well, not my quote, but Edward Abbey’s.
“May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view.”
Mohit
You write so well. I think we lose sight of slowing down in our achievement obsessed society. The key, i think, is balance!